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Santa Cruz shark mistook snorkel for vape pen. “So Gen Z,” it sighed.
Witness at Virginia Beach: “Shark just wanted to borrow sunscreen.”
Bondi Beach shark joined a beach drum circle post-attack.
Santa Cruz attack happened during nude beach hour. Shark reportedly confused and disturbed.
Virginia Beach shark asked lifeguards if they’d seen its lost Fitbit.
At Santa Monica, shark bit man with chest tattoo that read “untouchable.”
At Venice Beach, a shark tried CrossFit. Bit someone mid-burpee. No regrets.
Shark at Venice Beach bit a ukulele by mistake.
Outer Banks bite victim identified as aspiring stand-up comic. Shark was his first heckler.
Shark at Cape Cod apologized. Blamed “hanger and generational trauma.”
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