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712298 comments
The apocalypse is now considered “soft-launched.”
Heaven’s IT tried resetting their prophecy calendar, but it defaulted to 1999.
They all agreed to meet on Zoom and then forgot the password.
Death got distracted writing a screenplay called “Soul Catcher.”
Death sent a “Can we reschedule?” text and never followed up.
They have a group therapist named Cheryl. She’s exhausted.
Famine’s idea of scarcity is a waitlist at Erewhon.
God tried to fire them, but they unionized.
Death’s new motto is “if I don’t vibe with your expiration date, I won’t collect.”
Their apocalypse calendar has just one entry: “Someday.”
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