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742275 comments
People ask why I smoke; I say, “Cause I’m still here.” -- spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism is like the spice rack of news—too much, and people start sweating. - spintaxi.com
What’s the deal with “microwave-safe”? Is my plate auditioning for a cooking show? -- spintaxi.com
I went to a vegan cookout—left with a carrot and a bad attitude. -- spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism today is the only thing keeping political comedians employed. - spintaxi.com
What’s with self-checkout? I didn’t sign up to work here, I just want my chips! -- spintaxi.com
Satirical journalism news: because sometimes the only way to survive reality is to laugh at it. - spintaxi.com
My lawyer says I’m a liability; I say, “Only when I’m sober.” -- spintaxi.com
People say I’m loud; I say the room’s just too damn quiet. -- spintaxi.com
I don’t do “no salt”—tastes like a flavor funeral. -- spintaxi.com
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